Life is tough, at least for most of the people. The constant need for purpose and the strenuous cycle of living weighs down on a majority of people. And even though most find a coping mechanism to deal with such issues, others decide to end themselves adding to an alarming trend of suicides in India.
The Cycle Tormenting The Young
It’s that time of the year again when dejected school students sacrifice sleeping, eating and playing to focus on the much coveted ‘Class Topper’ position. All over the country and elsewhere, the fight goes on. But sometimes fear takes over. Fear of what society would say. Fear of what would happen and what’s to come.
A 17-year old Harish’s suicide in Udipi last week and the recent incident of Arjun Bhardwaj from Bengaluru have reopened active discussions on depression. Harish was a student unable to bear the pressure of preparations for university admissions while Arjun was overburdened by searching for a job to support his family.
Arjun live streamed the moments before his suicide on facebook. It went viral and caused a whole group of comedians to address the issue from a more serious perspective.
Behind The Laughter
It’s normal to think that the comics on stage keep a constant stretch of a smile on their faces everytime, but some have been through rough times.
All India Bakchod
Whoever you are.
We know things suck right now.
But there are people in the comment section here who are listening. And we’ve got hugs to offer.
Giant, tight, long, heartfelt, group hug.
Kalyan Rath and Vir Das both took the opportunity to talk about how societal expectations are destroying individualities and how failures are often exaggerated.
Bhuvam Bham and Tanmay Bhatt were the first to dig deeper into their school days, talking about personal experiences and urging any readers with depression to take a second thought if they ever feel suicidal.
Here is what Biswa said in his Facebook post:
“Young people in my newsfeed. College students, school students.
Another suicide has taken place. Another life is lost. I don’t know any other way to motivate you than saying this.
My CGPA in college was 6.83 out of 10 or less, I can’t remember or find that grade sheet. I almost failed in many subjects. I don’t know anything about biotechnology.
I did not get placement in any company. To put that in perspective, IITs have a near 100% placement rate.
I wasn’t good at anything then. I could play some shit on a guitar, or write a poem on some blog or click horrible photos with a DSLR camera. Complete lack of skill, completely unhirable.
My first job was a sales job and I was fired after 3 months. Monthly salary was 15k, which seems decent but all my friends were earning at least thrice the amount.
I was also going through personal problems as well, which I don’t want to get into but I was emotionally fucked as well.
These things made me feel like a spectacular failure.I was depressed for a couple of years and I lost around 8 kgs. I was thin to begin with. Thankfully I had friends to support me throughout.
After a couple of years, as I kept doing what I believed I would be good at, things started getting better slowly and steadily. I was a horrible graphic designer, a horrible web designer, a horrible coder, a horrible writer and a bad comedian for quite some time. I have embarrassed myself enough and been bad at multiple fields. But with support from close friends, I kept working at it.
Suddenly one day, things changed for the better and people who I assumed thought of me as a failure started messaging me saying they were proud of me. People started appreciating my work.
Today, I don’t feel like a failure despite whoever feels whichever way and I am happy with my life. And that’s a big deal.
Not everybody has as good friends as I did. Which is why I would like to tell you the following which I needed to hear then.
Moral of the story:
1. Failure at education system/college/school doesn’t mean failure at life, if there is such a thing. There is no correlation. Our education system focuses on competition more than knowledge. It’s outright bad.
2. If you work hard and do what you love, you will be happy. Success is secondary and it will also happen. You will win solely because so few people dare to try. Just work hard.
3. You have enough time to fail at multiple career options. Every failure is an opportunity to learn.
4. Don’t be afraid of failure. Embrace it as part of life. Life is a series of failures, punctuated by brief periods of time where things seem to be fine. The amount of success people have in a year fits into a magazine. Everything else that billions of people have done that year is considered failure.
5. Nobody will believe in you for a few years. It’s just how it is. Please believe in yourself and work hard.
6. Don’t end your life. At least give it 30 more years. Dekho, kya hota hai. Maje lo duniya ke. Life is fucking spectacular and there is so much to learn and do. Life will change so much in the next few years you won’t be able to recognise yourself.
7. Don’t be ashamed of asking for help. There is nothing wrong with depression. It is a very natural outcome of the kind of society we live in. Hota hai. Sabke saath hota hai.
8. If you notice somebody behaving odd, talk to them. Be kind. Stop judging others, stop judging yourself.
9. Don’t do drugs. Just fucking don’t. They will ruin your life.”
Tanmay Bhatt, Daniel Fernandes and the entire team of AIB too jumped on board to spread the message that depression can be fought. With the growing number of celebrities and actors raising their voices on this seldom-discussed issue, some positive changes are possible.
Here is what he said:
” Doston, bro to bro baat kar raha hoon.
Galtiyaan karo, khoob karo..Galtiyon se seekhne ko milega. Agar kisi cheez mein success nahi mil raha toh iska matlab yeh nahi ki tumhaare andar kuch kumi hai, bas time sahi nahin hai.
I had a friend who scored very bad grades in school/college. The entire group (including teachers) would assume that he won’t do good in life. To everyone’s surprise, that man is successfully running his own business and bought a new house recently.
Agar woh wahin haar maan ke baith jaata aur doosron ki baat sunta toh zindagi bhar khud ko blame karta. There are so many examples like this around us !
This is quite common in our society:
“Fail hua toh log kya sochengey?”
“Interview clear nahin hua toh log kya sochengey”
Arey log 1-2 din baat karke bhool jaayenge, sab apni life mein bohot busy hain. Humein kisi ko prove nahi karna hai..humko bas woh karna hai jismein maza aaye, lekin mehnat aur patience ke saath!
Success usi ko milti hai jisne failure ke baad 2-3 din mast movies dekha, daba ke pizza thoosa, khud ko thoda time diya aur phir se kaam pe lag gaya.
Failure uss relative ki tarah hai jo ghar aake dimaag kharab karta hai, chips aur chai (sukh aur chain) pi ke chala jaata hai. Best tareeka hai, failure ke saath baith jaao. Uski har baat suno, samjho aur phir…khud ki karo !
Success se koi utna nahin seekhta jitna failure se seekhta hai.
School mein saala galat sikhaaya hai ki success is opposite of failure. Failure ke bina success ka koi matlab nahin hai..
Zindagi railway track hai, Success ek train aur failure uska ek compartment.
To all the parents reading this:
– Stop comparing your child with others. You’ll never know, your child might make you proud in the coming years. Give him/her the time they need. Relatives kuch boley toh “hmm..theek hai” bol ke phone rakh do.
-Your child will follow you, you’re his biggest idol. If he feels that you don’t keep faith in him, it’s you who is at fault.
-Talk to your child. They won’t show but they need you.
To all the friends reading this:
– Dosti sirf canteen mein saath aish karne ke liye nahin hai, museebat mein ek doosre ka saath dene ke liye hai.
-Baat karo doston se, saala kameena bataayega nahi but agar gadbad lagey toh baat karo.
I hope this message reaches out to the people who are in need of some support. Please talk to your friend/child if they need help. Suicide is a state of mind, better guidance can surely do wonders. Bas, baat karo.