How To Spend Holi If You Absolutely Hate It

Holi- the festival of colors is round the corner, and we still have no idea where to hide, what clothes to sacrifice, and what excuse to use to save our faces from oh-so-skin-friendly colors.

The I-DO-NOT-LIKE-HOLI community understands that back in time when Earth wasn’t so populous, wasting water was affordable, but seriously humans we need to stop now. And even if you want to subject yourself to harmful chemicals and cold water(mind you, winter isn’t over yet), why do you have to necessarily force others to join the madness. We are more than happy just eating sweets and wearing new clothes and no that doesn’t make our festival any less happening than yours.

Anyways, here is a five-step guide to deal with ‘Holi hooliganism’ for the like-minded members of I-DO-NOT-LIKE-HOLI community:

1. Inform your neighbors you won’t be home this Holi. Make sure each one of them knows of your absence, most importantly the colony’s jobless kids and that self-acclaimed best friend.

2. Seal all the doors(front doors, back doors), windows, rat holes, ventilators, pipelines, drainage systems,………. basically every little opening because that’s how paranoid you are.

3. Pick out your oldest piece of cloth which you are willing to sacrifice to the evil forces armed with obnoxious colors, just in case.

4. Arm yourself. You need to do some strategic pre-holi shopping. Buy pichkaris not only to defend yourself but also to attack the color mafias. Buy oil and drown yourself into it so that colors don’t leave any impact on your 0h-so-sensitive skin.

5. The final step is to await your fate. Brace yourself for the worst and hope for the best.

If anything goes wrong just remember this very convenient and oh-so-sympathetic Holi slogan

BURA NA MANO HOLI HAI!!!!!!!

Don’t forget to share this post with all of your friends who are afraid to get out of their houses in holi.

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